Is It Legal To Discriminate against Dumbasses?

The dreaded goose egg did not materialize, thank goodness. So while I still showed up for my interviews with my normal fivehead, I did not look (too) deformed. So much for Laurie’s plan to pull the fear-of-seeming-discriminating card.

No, in my case, the only discriminating the firms will be doing is against dumbasses. Oh yes. Over my last eight interviews, I have managed to:

• Fall into two subtle traps laid for me (this I am not so worried about because who wants to work with people who are constantly trying to trick you?!)
• ALMOST fall over, AND only avoid falling over (slippery floors + no-traction heels + arms full of firm chotchkes + heavy conference door = DISASTER) by using the interviewer’s outstretched hand for balance, meaning that I held it WAY TOO LONG and he withdrew it so forcefully I know he thinks I WANT HIS BODY or better yet, I AM CRAZY.
• Sound arrogant
• Contract a bad case of verbal diarrhea (twice)
• Um, kind of forget the name of the firm I was talking to and have to check my handy-dandy website printout

But, lucky me, only FIVE MORE TO GO! Ugh. If I can just make it through without dying of shame I will be happy.

In other news, I have totally given up running. But I have come to terms with my destiny as a lazy bum and am OK with it.

Really, it’s who I am. Last May, my high school girlfriends and I went to Vegas.

And we’re all sitting around in the hotel room, getting ready to go out for the evening, and this love-fest of body talk ensues in which each girl’s body is matched to a type of athlete — one girl has a runner’s body, another a softball player, a dancer, a volleyball player. “What about me?” I ask, indignant.

Silence.

Sigh. So you see I was meant to be a sloth.

And, apparently, a dumbass.