The Scene: A overly-warm, over-filled law school classroom, five minutes before class starts. Neeta and I are in the second-to-last row, where we’ve been for the last 10 minutes, finishing up the remainder of our reading and basking in the glory of back-row seats on seating-chart day.
[Enter pale, puffy 3L, who sits down next to us in a huff and mutters something to the other 3Ls on the other side of him.]
PP3L: Can you guys move?
[Our heads slowly swivel toward him, wondering if he could possibly mean us.]
PP3L: There are more people coming. Could you move?
Neeta: Your friends didn’t tell us these seats were taken.
[I start to see if we can slide over, but there is only one empty seat next to us.]
Me: We can move down one?
PP3L: There were TWO other people that were going to sit here. I mean, it’s not like they haven’t been SITTING HERE for the past two days.
[We want to say, Oh! you’re right! And we know this because we’ve been keeping track of where YOU and your UGLY friends sit.]
Me: Well, there is nowhere for us to go. The room is full. [Gesture to rows in front of us, where, indeed, any IDIOT can see there are no seats available.]
PP3L: I mean, they’ve sat here every day.
Neeta (under breath): Can you believe this asshole?
Me: Well, there is nowhere for us to move.
[Enter the last two people (3L girls) to come into class, THE ONLY PEOPLE HE COULD BE WAITING FOR, who give him the drive-by wave and sit down IN THE SEATS THEIR OTHER FRIENDS HAVE BEEN SAVING FOR THEM.]
Uh-huh.
I think we all know exactly what went on there. PP3L has some hard-on for one of the late-arriving girls, and this is his LAST SEMESTER to impress her with his well-organized classnotes and JPMorgan Chase-Avon Run/Walk t-shirts and cargo shorts.
Desperation sets in and who bears the brunt of his sexual frustration? Neeta and me!
So not fair. And so not genteel. Which is why it’s his last semester and his only hope for action is that this girl will want to use his masterful outline and fall in love over the way he crystallized the indigents’ right to counsel into a few pithy lines.
Good luck, buddy. May the force be with you.
Sunday Undies 
January 12, 2006 at 5:55 am
And I thought only business school kids turned insane on seating chart day! We had a kid in my class get ‘black listed’ for the entire program because of his poor seating chart day attitude – I mean, don’t these people know that grad school gossip flies wicked fast now that we’re all on IM during lectures?!
January 12, 2006 at 7:18 am
What a pathetic individual. And congrats on securing the coveted back-row seats. I remember the joy of flying under the radar that sitting toward the back can sometimes afford you.
January 12, 2006 at 7:49 am
That’s what happens when you’re in law school, where there are members of the opposite sex to attempt to impress. When you are in the ed school, it’s only girls, and we’re all touchy feely happy nice to each other and bring in treats and cheeriness. Well, except when you’re that annoying old person who must share EVERYTHING she knows very annoyingly. Those people I want to kick.
January 12, 2006 at 8:27 am
that guy’s a supreme jackhat.
but here was my favorite line: basking in the glory of back-row seats on seating-chart day.
ah, the glory. 🙂
January 12, 2006 at 8:48 am
congrats on the prime seats… you made me very glad my grad program had no seating charts!
January 12, 2006 at 6:15 pm
Good grief – dude, pop a breath mint and sit your butt down. Geez.
Good for you for snagging those awesome seats. Woo-hoo!
January 13, 2006 at 12:33 pm
What a skeez.
January 13, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Whatta jackarse. Sounds like he’ll make a great contracts lawyer.