Sustained!

My brother Jeff‘s affianced*, Jen, an XXX-treme Law & Order fan (she has a dance, oh yes, she has a dance to the theme) has been telling me for quite a while now that I need to start using legal parlance in daily conversation.

In fact, she tried to tell me I should be using, “sustained” and “denied” regularly, and the only remotely acceptable use I could come up with is:

Currently My Friend, No Longer To Be My Friend Once I Start Introduing Legal Parlance Into Everyday Conversation: “What do you think, Mexican?”

Me: “Motion denied!”

CMFNLTBMYOISILGIEC: “Italian?”

Me: “Denied — you’re on a short leash, counsel.”

CMFNLTBMYOISILGIEC: “Sushi?”

Me: “Sustained!”

I usually brush off Jen’s comments, like, DUDE, I am so NOT an arbiter of justice. But this weekend I helped write a brief to the 9th Circuit (appellate court, baby! One away from getting in Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s pants! How you like them apples?).

And I am so high on appellate life that all of a sudden I am picturing myself in robes, and not just the kind I like to slip out of before a bath.

Nope, I am talking REAL JUSTICE here.

*I keep using affianced instead of fiancé because I am too damn lazy to look up the HTML for small e, accent ague, or accent acute en anglais.