The Eyes Have It

Apparently the white eye shadow was not enough of an ocular mishap for me. No, my karma decided to up the ante.

Tonight I went and played tennis with Gloria. And you know what happened?

1. I had a lot of fun.
2. My inner thighs are SO SORE from the sudden stopping and turning. Sore from THEIR TOTAL LACK OF USE from other activities I won’t mention here.
3. I GOT A BUG IN MY EYE.

And Gloria, I have included a picture, so if you could just verify that that was HOW BIG the crap I fished out of my eye is, that would be great.

Seriously.

To be sure, this is just a picture of a piece of fuzz I pulled off the afghan my grandma made me. Also to be sure, if she were here today she would remind me, “Jen-jen, do you see how many painstaking, blood-letting rows are in that afghan? That’s how much I love you.” Truly, it is a miracle my dad still knows his own name. OK, I am exaggerating and I love my gramma, but these are the kind of things she said.

Anyhoo.

THIS is how big the freakin’ bug in my eye was. No joke. I cried for a good 5 minutes trying to gush it out and really, the whole time, I was like, is Gloria going to think I am a total wuss making this up, or will finally some big ole ginourmous gnat appear on my finger and she’ll know I am not just some baby who’s trying to get out of the last 20-minutes of ball because my hamstrings hurt?

And suddenly, miracle of miracles, the GNAT OF ALL GNATS appeared on my left index finger and I was so proud. Because really, I had been carrying something the size of your in-between-toe-socks fuzz in my eye and I HAD SURVIVED.

So anyway, moral is: my innner thighs hurt like nobody’s business, my eye has recovered, and tomorrow I am cooking a five-course meal for EIGHT people all in French bistro style in preparation for Laurie, Shannon, Amber, Gloria and my trip to France. Plus, my favorites, Karman, Penny, and Rachel are coming, yahoo!

Pics of the disasterous meal later.

Night of the Living Dead

A little tip:

Do NOT, just because Sarah Jessica Parker wore it in some Sex & The City episode, try white eyeliner. That is, unless you have the assistance of a professional make-up artist.

BECAUSE you might, you JUST MIGHT, end up with what I affectionately term Zombie Eyes. See above.

And then you may try to remove said white eye goop, but removing white eyeliner might be like searching for meaning for a Pauly Shore movie. And you might give up and then try some sparkly silver to cover up, but it has clumped to your eyelashes and YOU ARE CHER. And not the Cher from Clueless, who I quote entirely too often for my own good (hence the Pauly Shore reference and also, earlier today I told Laurie I was going to try to read one non-school book a week, and that my first one would be Fit or Fat. Because you know, we need to do something good for our minds as well as our bodies).

No, the other kind of Cher. As if!

Happy Birthday? Yes, Happy Birthday!

I am 29 today. And really, that’s cool, it’s not like that means I’LL BE THIRTY IN A YEAR. No, no, not worried about that at all, nooney-noo, nooney-noo (an Ursula expression, she who sent me that cute b-day card above).

But you know, JUST IN CASE turning 29 does in fact mean that next year I’ll be 30, I’m taking some preemptive measures (e.g., see NY’s resolutions) and I’m doin’ some research.

I mean, what does being almost 30 MEAN?

Do I have to stop watching Laguna Beach? Is it wrong that I only waited until 11:55 p.m. on my birthday’s eve before opening my presents? And that I only achieved that degree of self control because I hadn’t removed the gifts from the trunk of my car since my mom gave me them over Christmas?

Do I have to stop wearing mini-skirts and cowboy boots? Because let me tell you, that will be a HUGE BLOW to my self-confidence because that is the only time people ask me out in grocery stores. And I really NEED to be asked out in grocery stores because I hate going there and having a Hercule Poirot look-alike tell me he wants to take me to dinner makes it much more bearable.

Will this be the year that all my friends get engaged and/or preggers and I have a mini-meltdown?

Does this mean I can never dye my hair jet black again or get my tongue repierced? Answer: YES, but only because that would be SO WRONG.

Is this the point when I no longer look like I’m playing dress-up when I put on a suit?

Ack. I just extinguished my desire for research.

Anyway, 29 years ago, my mother, then aged 29, had me.

And even though she had been married and a home-owner for four years at that point, our 29-year-old selves share some similarities. She was also going back to school after years of doing something she wasn’t particularly fond of, didn’t really cook (that came later), and was still searching for SOMETHING (also came later).

And now, she and my dad are still giving me ridiculously generous birthday goodies.

As long as I’m not too old for that, all is well. Happy birthday to me!

Happy New Year!

It’s nearly 2:00 a.m. on this first day of 2006, and I’m sipping a little of the homemade limoncello that Gloria gave me for Christmas. They (Laurie) say how you spend New Year’s Eve sets the tone for how you spend the rest of the year, so this makes me happy because today I:

• Learned from Laurie that not only is my wonderful friend Amber joining us in Paris in March, but so is my equally wonderful friend Shannon
• Exercised my crafty gene, making one successful and three really ugly 2006 shot glasses (see pic of ugly one above)
• Went to Target (because really, could I have any entry that doesn’t involve a trip to Target?)
• Groaned about 80 times, every time I moved, because I’m still sore from my first attempt at Tae Bo at Billy Blanks’ gym in Studio City
• Was well-wined and dined by Gloria at her NYE soiree

So I think this sets a good precedent for me making good progress on all my resolutions for this year, my 26 for 2006:

1. Listen to Pimsleur’s enough to reawaken The French
2. Eat salad three times a week
3. Drink 64 oz. of water a day
4. Cut down to one Coke a day
5. Replace coffee with tea
6. Exercise five days a week
7. Apply for an externship in DC for fall semester next year
8. Never skip class
9. Have the time of my life in Paris
10. FINALLY exchange my reals and pesos
11. Send out those overdue wintery music mixes this week
12. Knit more often, and knit something for myself
13. Go ONE WHOLE MONTH with no frozen food
14. Moisturizer and sunscreen
15. Replace my watch batteries
16. Read 10 non-school books
17. Stop second-guessing everything I say
18. Read The Economist every week (Santa got me a subscription, woohoo!)
19. Kick ass at my summer job so they offer me a real one come graduation
20. Try sweaty yoga
21. Stop worrying about being almost 30 (29 in TWO DAYS!!)
22. Be there for my family and friends
23. Switch Fred & Ethel to pine litter
24. Get F&E a cat tree so they can lose their cute little guts
25. Go to a live show
26. Don’t worry, be happy

Happy new year! Hope you and those you love have a ridiculously fabulous one!